two words i have come to loathe. two words that have had bad news afterwards. two words that make me know something is about to change. two words that have had something good on the other end, but recently have had heart wrenching news at the end. and this time it feels as if a part of me has been ripped away from me. once again by covid.
i have spent the past 3 months on a campus i didnt originally sign up to stay at, living in the sweetest, most beautiful community i have ever been apart of. i have lived with strangers who now i cannot imagine life without. i have gone every single day being poured into by speakers, leaders and squadmates. i have had everyday filled with belly-hurting laughter and deep, sweet conversations.
i have now had my time at Gainesville ripped away from me. why? covid.
not going to sugar coat or lie about it- but the moment i read the email that we weren’t returning to campus for debrief or our final two weeks- but we are now returning in January… i was mad, hurt, confused and frustrated.
for those of you are asking “arent you happy to be home? you should be! extra time with family!”
while yes i am happy to have had time to see my family, whom ive missed a lot, to love and laugh with them… i miss my other family. i miss my other home. i miss my normalcy.
im upset that i didnt get closure. something that hasnt been prevalent in 2020.
for me, i didnt get closure on my senior year, like many. i didnt get to walk the yellow cemented walls that i have grown up with for the last 12 years one last time. i didnt get to say goodbye to teachers who have impacted me or classmates i have grown up with.
but this non-existent closure hurts so much more.
i didnt get closure on what have been the best 3 months of my life. i didnt get to say goodbye to my home. our squad meeting point. i didnt get my debrief. i didnt get one last team time with team fervent with all of us sitting in a circle on the dining patio as a team of 9.
if you dont know, a week an a half before i came home, i and 14 of my squadmates tested positive for covid- seperating us. therefore i haven’t seen my team and squad altogether since Louisiana (beginning of November).
while it may be hard for many of you to understand, that’s okay. you dont have to.
all i, and all racers, ask of you during this time is to pray. and if you are someone who knows and loves a racer- loving them the best way right now is giving them time and space to grieve. let them cry, yell, scream and be mad or upset. ask them what you can do to help, they might say nothing or might just need someone there to comfort them. be there for your racer, but please dont try to fix the situation.
although i am utterly heartbroken beyond belief. i know Abba is going to use this for good.
even if i cant see it, i know January holds something special. the day i get to see my team and squeeze their necks and we all launch to Costa Rica is coming.
Abba is still good.
In every circumstance, He is and always will be good.
much love,
gracie <33
WOW. this made me cry. I miss you so much and am counting down the days until I can hug our little family again!!!! Thankful for a God that’s still reigns sovereign. Love you lots 🙂
i needed these words today!!!!!
Wow! This is hard, but He is still good! Praise God for your vulnerability, honesty, and truth!!
Oh Gracie! I’m so sorry!!! You have dealt with a lot of change in your young life! God must be prepping you for some really special days ahead! And just as your name indicates, you are handling all of it with Grace and patience in the Lord! I’m very proud of you and I know HE is too!