this isn’t what i wanted.

2020 in my mind, for the last 10+ years, was suppose to be the “perfect year”. 

 

2020 was the year i graduated high school. the year i turned 18, became an adult. the year i started a new chapter of life. the year where good, new things were suppose to happen and it was all suppose to happen the normal way…

but it didn’t. 

 

 

i know i am not the first to tell you that 2020 was not the perfect year. i could sit here and write about all the terrible things that happened, but you know what? i cant complain too much. i can sit here and tell you all of what covid took away from me. it took things, events, plans, dreams away. things i have looked forward to since i was in 5th grade, senior prom. i didn’t get that, along with many other things. BUT without covid, i wouldn’t have had some of the biggest blessings. i wouldn’t have had my graduation be the very first abnormal graduation PACS ever had. i wouldn’t have met some of the most incredible people. i wouldn’t have dealt with emotional trauma that Abba knew i needed to deal with- deal with, i mean the healthy and right way. i wouldn’t have lived in Gainesville, in a tent. and i sure enough would not be where im at now in my relationship with the Abba. 

 

no my race didn’t go the way i wanted it to. yes, i am suppose to be in India right now.  thats where i anticipated to be at the beginning of this year in January. i anticipated a lot of things to turn out differently. so while this isn’t the most ideal situation- being home for such a prolonged time while still on the race, im thankful Abba has placed me here. im thankful He has given me extra time with my family before i leave for 6 months. im thankful i got to sit in my grandparents living room on Christmas Eve and Christmas day with my family and laugh and have a sweet time. im thankful for all the laughs my sister and i have shared. I’m thankful for sweet conversations with my hometown friend. if covid hadn’t happened, i wouldn’t have made some of the best memories. i probably wouldn’t have had the conversations at home I’ve had. 

while it makes me sad to think of what its caused people, choosing into Abba and His timing for everything, clinging to hope and what He says- wow is that a beautiful, sweet thing. thankful for a Father who gives me eyes to see His hand in every situation. thankful that its okay to not understand what He’s doing. 

 

i didn’t want to be in gainesville. i didn’t want to spend 3 months in the state i was so ready to be out of. but now those 3 months hold some of the most precious members which i will cling to forever. 

i didn’t want to be back home. but now i have created memories that i too will cherish forever. 

 

 

learning to be okay that my plan b is sometimes Abba’s plan a. 

 

 

thankful that some things i didn’t want initially ended up being the biggest blessings in my life. 

 

 

 

with love,

 

gracie<3