“do you trust me?”
a question that has been circling around my head for the past 5 months.
a question that reminds me who God is and who I am.
a question that the Lord asks me as He gently taps on my shoulder.
a question that overwhelms my soul and casts out my fears when I am crying at His feet.
as CGA starts to come to a close, I can’t help but look back at this season, and all that the Lord did, and how faithful He has been.
throughout CGA, the amount of past hurt, grief, trauma, etc that has been brought up is so scary, and yet I am so thankful that I have been able to see a new part of the Father’s heart in the midst of it all. I am thankful that I have been pushed closer to His heart, and to seek truth deeper than ever before.
I am thankful that I have learned/am learning how to hold the tension of grief and celebration, joy and sorrow.
scared, anger, hurt, confusion- all the feelings i felt when something new would be brought up, and i would shake my fists at the Lord in confusion and frustration.
comforted, fruitful, faithful, held- all the things i saw and felt when the emotions before would come up. these are the things that the Lord would sit and remind me of.
“do you trust me?”
such a simple question yet holds so much weight.
that is all the Lord has to say, and i am immediately reminded that i am called daughter of the Most High and that He will take care of me.
one of my favorite things that Ben Able (teacher for CGA) has said- and he says a lot of good things- is…
“Your Father owns a thousand sheep on a hill… why do you think you’re poor?”
when i first heard this, it struck a chord in my heart.
My Father in Heaven is the One who knows it all.
the One that holds the earth in motion.
the One who calls the stars by name.
the One who delivered Daniel from the mouth of lions.
the One who redeemed Rahab.
the One who has thousands of angels singing “holy, holy holy”, and yet He delights in my praise.
when that question was asked, the Lord reminded me of all the ways He has been faithful in my life and in the lives of the ones I love.
so again, He will ask “do you trust me?”
He has never given me a reason to not trust Him.
and even when I don’t trust Him %10000, His faithfulness and goodness is not dependant on my trust in Him. He doesn’t change just because my circumstances and emotions change.
Him being faithful to His children is a promise.
so I will leave you with this.
Matthew 17:20 “He replied, ‘Because you have so little faith, truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there, and it will move.’ Nothing will be impossible for you’.”
I have gotten to experience what faith the amount of a mustard seed can do, and it is truly magnificent and beautiful.
I have gotten to see the compassion of the Father when I am hesitant to take His hand.
I have seen a fruit from the harvest.
I have gotten the honor to experience this side of the Father’s heart when some have yet to.
so as the Father asks me this question in the midst of my worries and fears, I will ask you the same…
do you trust Him?
with so much love,
grace <3
